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Writer's pictureyoungtobacco

Listmania: O The jobs I've had

Do you like hot fudge sundaes?

This is probably of no interest to anyone except me, but my son has found himself in a situation very familiar and dear - trying to balance finding a paycheck between tours - and it got me thinking about all the jobs I've had trying to do the same.


It's tough, especially when the world's telling you to ditch the music and "get serious with your life" (actual quote from someone during my own salad days). But I'm a dreamer, and apparently I've raised one, too. And there is nothing quite like being able to give your own child encouragement for being on the road after you've risked it all to do the same.


I remember what it is to chase something bigger than yourself, and it can be a lonely place.


I guess this is where the first inklings of the studio being a state of mind started to take root. All the sad Oompa Loompa jobs, some of which I stayed at for just days, other years, or even continue to work. Whose sole purpose was to get me through to the next chunk of studio time, the next tour, the next big idea, without getting an eviction notice.


At the time, they all seemed like time-sucks. Placeholders until the next time at bat. But if I didn't learn a skill at each one, I at least learned something else tangible like patience, discipline and how to cut a Subway sandwich the right way.


Here they are, in no particular order (and I'm probably forgetting a few):


  • Foxfires Restaurant

    • First job. Dishwasher for a Jim Davis dining venture, but never once saw Garfield. Only a stoner prep cook who gave me a life changing mixtape with GBH, Subhumans and Black Flag. Demolished in 2002, to be replaced by an IHOP.

  • Bugle Boy Clothing

    • Retail in a dying factory outlet mall. A uniquely liminal, Midwestern experience.

  • Subway

    • Sandwich artist, back when they used to do the U-cut. The good old days of sandwich-making. A truly lost art.

  • Fazolis

    • Slung pasta during the week, washed dishes on the weekend. All my friends worked here and we moved all the tables in the dining room after closing once so we could set up guitars and drums. Probably more fun than it should have been.

  • Delaware Glass and Mirror

    • The only place that would have me back repeatedly after leaving to go on tour. The shop was behind a Wal-Mart that carried my band's CD, much to my co-workers' surprise as I cleaned their toilets. A truly humbling experience (see Hot Topic).

  • Construction - General Labor

    • Digging, carrying, sweating and cursing. Shit work, but paid well. Always seemed to be paired with an unhinged chain-smoker who chased people down in the truck for stealing our tools.

  • Auto part delivery

    • Delivered belts and batteries to every small town mechanic in East Central Indiana all the way to the border of Ohio. A perfect job while it lasted.

  • Auto tech bay cleanup

    • Cleaned up after mechanics working the bays of a Pontiac dealership. Demolished, now the home of a McAlister's Deli.

  • Discount Den

    • Sold cigarettes, diabetic-sized big gulps and used grunge CDs to a college kids spending FAFSA money.

  • Yorktown Tool and Die

    • Hired to clean big machines. Fired for sleeping behind them. (The only job I was ever fired from.)

  • Hot topic associate

    • My band's merch was on the shelves while I worked the floor. Another humbling experience of the realities of being an aspiring musician.

  • Call center employee

    • Three days of training, one day of work. Quit immediately after realizing it was essentially scamming seniors into switching long distance carriers.

  • UPS truck washer

    • Holiday help washing fleets and doing ride-alongs. Found out I was going to have a baby boy riding shotgun in a big brown truck.

  • Tour manager

    • Sold merch, counted money, advanced shows to make sure the green M&Ms were going to be present and accounted for.

  • Muncie Power Products

    • Trained as an interim secretary for the real secretary who was going on maternity leave. Left to go on tour before starting. Still feel bad. Hope the kid turned out ok.

  • Goodlife Recordings (Belgium)

    • Stocked shelves, filled orders, slept in an attic and went to a lot of shows.

  • Philip Morris contractor

    • Shady job involving copying people's drivers licenses in gas stations for free cigarette coupons. Fought big tobacco by mostly reading books off the rack and generally trying to be invisible.

  • NASCAR / Kodiak contractor

    • Passed out free cans of chaw at the track on the hottest weekend of the year. Supervisor was a sketchy motherfucker and skimmed all of our paychecks to pad his own.

  • Trojan Condoms

    • Passed out prophylactics to the hordes exiting Ozzfest. No shame in easy money. (Ok, a little bit of shame.)

  • American Dairy Association

    • Took complementary polaroids of people standing next to a cardboard cutout of Britney Spears wearing fake milk mustaches at her Indianapolis stop. Free, but people still complained because we live in America.

  • Freelance graphic designer

    • Infrequent work, but occasional dithering and Making the Logo Bigger helped pay the bills.

  • Metal scrapping

    • Loaded a trailer full of aluminum to take it to a recycler. There is nothing more apocalyptic than a metal scrapyard in the winter, but it helped pay for Christmas.

  • Indy500 airport liaison

    • Met C-suite people at the airport on race weekend to escort them to waiting sedans like the precious job creators they were.

  • Synch writer

    • Wrote songs to prompts like "ain't it a beautiful day," "walking away from an explosion," and "getting dressed in front of a mirror." Made some money to release records.

  • Marion Chronicle Tribune

    • Laid out the pages for the newspaper in James Dean's hometown. Went to press with "Gggggggggggggggggg" as the front page headline one day. On god, it wasn't me.

  • The Spot Lunch and Cigar

    • Washed dishes in an old hometown diner where backroom poker was played and shady backroom deals were made. Had my bachelor party here and puked in a mixing bowl.

  • Bar promotion event worker

    • Was one of those sad Oompa Loompas wearing goofy branded shit in bars on Friday nights, passing out coozies and making belligerent drunk people play games.

  • Nesquick

    • Gave free chocolate milk to university students. Took a crate for myself, and I'm not ashamed to say so.

  • Old Navy

    • Drove a van in a parade and threw Old Navy shwag at people. Was yelled at by a candidate for mayor because of the way I was driving. A true community hero.

  • High School percussion instructor

    • Easy money right out of graduation. One of the few jobs where I knew exactly what I was doing.

  • YMCA front desk and weight room attendant

    • Tried to enforce the no-shirtless-guys rule in the weight room. Got laughed at, mopped the floor instead.

  • Sight and Sound

    • Assembled shelving for a local entrepreneur expanding his music store into a mail order business.

  • Olan Mills Photography

    • Processed high school yearbook photo orders. The only enjoyable thing was the bike ride up the greenway to get there.

  • Muncie Eye Center

    • Data entry job, where my fast typing skills were an asset and nine-dollars-an-hour was a lot of money.

  • Freelance webmaster

    • Learned Wordpress basics and made some sites for people. Later realized I could have been doing that in the band and made some money on the road instead of going broke every tour and trying to make up for it digging ditches.

  • Officemax

    • Electronics sales associate. Knew nothing about computers, but spent most of my time watching the Compaq displays play Live's "Lakini's Juice" on a loop. Loathsome retail experience.

  • Sirloin Stockade

    • Dishwasher at one of those singularly American eating troughs. Overhead someone say "I like to eat til I can't breathe" and haven't stopped saying it since.

  • Framemakers

    • Tried to learn the art of custom framing. Ruined a guy's souvenir street art from Paris in the process. Still feel bad about it.

  • Pepsi Warehouse

    • Loaded palettes of soft drinks for the trucks to deliver to gas stations and big box stores. Forklift driver was a hellion who liked to drink, with a tight perm like an outcast from an 80s porno.

  • Assembly line

    • Put together game discs for Grand Theft Auto in a long line of fellow assembly drones. Lunch whistle, clueless supervisor, the whole blue collar bit.

  • Boomer's Fireworks

    • Long hot days in a labyrinthine warehouse loading palettes of explosives for small-town roadside stands to sell in June. An old man used to sit naked out on his porch in view of the truck bays. Not sure if he was a perv, or just overheated. Maybe both.

  • Tech bro

    • Final assimilation into the world of whiteboards and ergonomic office furniture. After years of touring and losing money, an executive decision driven by my son's future. It's his world now, not mine.



(References available upon request.)




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What I’m reading: The Work of Art (Adam Moss)

What I'm listening to: Tremblers and Goggles by Rank (Guided By Voices)



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